Sunday, January 3, 2010

“Living In The Moment, Not In Infertility”

For some of us, a new year brings excitement and opportunity. For some, it reminds us of what we don’t have, a baby. And yet for others, we’ve made up in our minds that this year is the year we plan to give up on our dreams. But 2010 is a new and different year unlike any we have ever had before. 2010 should bring us joy, hope and an opportunity to experience the newness of life and all it brings. My pastor of my church said “10 is the number of redemption in the Bible.” So 2010 is our year of redemption. This is why choosing to live 2010 in infertility instead of in the moment is a big mistake. What do I mean living in infertility? Some of us have made our lives all about infertility. We eat it, we drink it, and most of us live it. Life is about so much more than our infertility. I’m not saying that we shouldn’t care about it, because I know we all do, but I am saying we shouldn’t let it consume all of our thoughts, all of our energy and all of our being.
You might think to yourself, “What does she mean to live in the moment?” Living in the moment means that you appreciate your life and where you are right now. Maybe it’s not entirely the way you want it to be, but you’re on track for a great future. My husband always says we should look at the glass half full instead of the glass half empty.
There are at least two characteristics that I see in women struggling with infertility, one is labeling ourselves as an infertile woman and the other is failure to live in the moment. I’ll get to the labeling later, but let me explain more of living in the moment. First of all, living in the moment means experiencing life to the fullest degree. Finding ways to enjoy your life, enjoy your husband, enjoy your family and enjoy your friends. It means removing the fear of never becoming a mother and finding other things in life that bring you joy. For example, looking at your house and if redecorating is something you enjoy, then find ways to redecorate a room to give it more of a positive energy or tone. I don’t mean the baby’s room that you have already decorated. You’ll have time to tackle that room later.
Living in the moment also means taking an inventory of everything you have and being thankful to God for giving you each and every thing whether it’s a relationship, a job, a house, etc. After you’ve developed your list of all that you have, spend some time telling God how thankful you are to Him for every person and everything that He has blessed you with. This takes time, but it is such a rewarding experience if you take the time to do it.
If you’re like me, I turned infertility into an obsession. It occupied every space in my brain. If I wasn’t calculating ovulation, I was taking clomid or counting my days to see if I was going to miss my period that month. Infertility was me, instead of me taking control of my infertility, it took control of me. How did that happened? It was easy, instead of focusing on the positive aspects of my life; I let my mind focus only on the one thing that I didn’t have, a baby. I’m not saying that you shouldn’t think about it, I’m saying don’t obsess; don’t make it your every thought. Try to take a week and not think about it. Try and find other things like all of the great people you have in your life or all of the things that give you joy and focus on that aspect of your life for awhile.
For me I understand, I struggled with infertility for more than 6 years. But I want you to be encouraged that there is life in infertility, through infertility and after infertility. It is not the sum total of our being as women. We can rise above it and live beyond it, but it takes honest effort on our part to do that.
For years, I allowed life to pass me by and I forgot to take notice of the little things: like a rose on a rose bush, the smile of my husband and the favor I received on my job. I slowly began to realize that infertility defined me. Life had so many precious moments and they were all slipping away from me without the opportunity for me to fully enjoy them. So ladies, for this week – live in the moment. Find something that you are passionate about other than a baby and focus on that for this week. Take a hot bubble bath, get your nails done, read a good book in your pajamas, enjoy a delectable treat that you’ve been depriving yourself of, for me that is a warm apple pie with a little caramel dipping onto some homemade vanilla blue bell ice cream. What is it for you? Live life to its fullest this week. Take a walk in your neighborhood and look at the beautiful landscaping or walk in the park or go the ocean and watch the waves. It’s ok to put on the rose colored glasses for a week; it’s ok to see the glass half full this week. Why not try it? What could it hurt?
This week, let’s focus on what God has given us and forget about the weight of infertility and all that it brings. I’ll bet we’ll find out that we have a lot more on our list of what we do have than what we don’t have.
Til next time,


  1. Thank you for sharing this! Women who are on this journey need encouragement such as this! I know that I wish I hadn't let infertility consume me for so many years that I didn't set my sights on the little blessings that God was giving me. In stead, I continued to focus on what I didn't have - a baby. However, through adoption, He changed that.
    But, my focus on infertility helped me have the courage to start a support group for those women who are on this same journey & to provide support and a safe place for them to talk about what they were going through. I didn't want them to have to walk this path alone as me & my husband did. We need others "to help carry our burdens".
    Keep encouraging women as you are already doing! This will empower them to make it through each day & to know that they are not in this alone! Not only do we stand with them, but God is with them! With His power, "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me!" (Philippians 4:13).
    God bless you!

  2. thank you Kim,... Living in the moment really does help... blessed to see you here...looking forward to the encouragement,... ( I'm going on 40 yrs. plus without children...) I just STILL believe God is able... not sure if I fit the 'infertile category'... but please pray that God bless me with children before I am too old to conceive. ;0)